New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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