he puts the penis in happiness.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
