Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
