Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
