i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
