I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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