I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
