dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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