My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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