i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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