cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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