just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
