I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
