He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
