A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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