Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
