I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
