I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
