I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
