doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
