We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
third nipple confirmed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
