I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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