So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
