you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
