roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize