Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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