I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
