What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
