OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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