I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize