I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
