Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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