The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize