Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you had me at cake vodka
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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