Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
