I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
