Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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