Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize