I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
