Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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