i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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