Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize