yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
