I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
