I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
