I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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