i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
