She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
