some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
