Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
