Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
