I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
