The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
