we have officially lost it.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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