Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
