sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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