Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
