textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
