Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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