I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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