There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
