So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
