Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize