I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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