I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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