He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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