We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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