The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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