it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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