what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
