I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
