i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
