and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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