what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
