We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
