Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
