Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize