even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
