I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
