you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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