Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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