Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
