just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
