The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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