we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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