its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
