I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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