hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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