I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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