i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
