I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
