so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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