Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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