Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
