i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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