wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
