I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You pole danced in your parka.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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