apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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