Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize