I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
this hospital has no fireball
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
