It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
