I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
