I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
