Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
